just tell him i said nine months
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
