Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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