So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
