it wasn't lemon gatorade
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
