i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
