She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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