It's Friday. Sex?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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