I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
