i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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