that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
