She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
