You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
