My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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