Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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