My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
