Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
