We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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