According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
