dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
