taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
God, I missed his penis.
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