So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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