can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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