Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
