He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
