Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
