I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
