You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
