I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
