Do you still have your period?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
