She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just took my morning after pill in the library
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Randomize
