Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
