grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
