I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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