Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize