You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
