did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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