I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
