I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
