He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
