Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
