so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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