yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
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Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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