Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
