i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
