I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
