Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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