I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
