id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
