Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
