I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
