fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
