you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
