The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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