what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
