I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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