he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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