Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
