Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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