i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
