You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
