Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize