Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
