The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
