i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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