You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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