wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
