I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
