Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
