Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
