Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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