It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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