question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
