girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
