Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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