the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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