That's when you crack a 10am beer
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
