the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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