im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize