I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
