Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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