Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you had me at cake vodka
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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